View From the Publishing Trenches

Do any would-be published writers out there take the time actually to read at least one of the many excellent books on how to craft and send a query letter to a publisher/editor?

If my email is any indication, the answer is a resounding NO.

Here are a few samples from some recent submissions:

Dear Sir/Madam

To Whom It May Concern

Dear Agent/Publisher

Look, folks, we actually list our names and functions on our website. How hard is it to pick one of the names and address the message to that person? At least, it makes your opening sound like you did some small measure of research. And that last one, “Agent/Publisher,” looks like the opening to a blanket letter sent to everyone for whom you could find an email address — the absolute least you could have done is make up your mind if we’re an agent or a publisher.

The above salutations will guarantee that I send your query on a quick trip to annihilation via the delete key.

“To” and/or “CC” field in the email header that is filled with email addresses of multiple publishers

“To” field says only “undisclosed recipients”

“To” field lists an email address we don’t (and never have) used (my account is the catch-all for all inbound email, so misspellings and bad addresses all come to me)

Why do I have this sneaky feeling that you’ve just taken a stab in the dark, again without bothering to read what’s on our website? In the first two cases above, it’s obvious you’ve just blasted this email to a whole batch of email addresses — not the way to win an editor’s undivided attention.

“my fiction novel”

“I am a natural born writer”

“my gift” (writing)

“I am a great writer”

“I need help with the laws of writing”

“I can write anything, so if you don’t like this idea tell me what you like”

“my committed attempt to become famous”

All novels, kids, are fiction…by definition. I positively reject the label “nonfiction novel,” which you would know if you read my blog — you did read my blog, didn’t you? No? Can’t be bothered, I suppose. You might have picked up some pointers if you had.

If you are truly a gifted writer, prove it through your query. Just don’t tell me you are, show me!

If you want to know the kinds of book I might like, you can (did I say this before?) read my blog posts. And take the time to study our website and see what we have already published. See any romance novels in our catalog or reviewed on my blog? That could be a clue, you know.

If there are any “laws” of writing, I’ve probably broken them all. But I would be very cautious about doing so in a query letter. Of course, there are no laws, although there are plenty of “rules.” You likely think the rules are for those writers less talented than you. Many of the “rules” are considered such because the work. If you want to break them, you first need to know and understand them. And, in case you were wondering, we’re not going to take the time to teach you those rules. Do you know where your local library is?

You may be committed to becoming famous, but perhaps you could provide some specifics as to just how you plan to make that happen. Dreams are great, but we really aren’t in the market to buy any of yours. We have plenty of our own, thank you.

“This is a great story”

“I know you’ll love my new novel”

“The story ends with the reader wanting to know more”

“My writing has been compared to [insert name of any well-known bestselling author]“

If this is such a great story, why does the synopsis bore me and why does it sound like a dozen other books already on the market? If you can’t make me love your query and synopsis, I doubt I’ll love the manuscript.

If the story ends with the reader wanting to know more, are you really sure your book is finished? Every book needs a real ending, which can still leave room for a sequel if that’s your goal. But this statement makes me think you’re trying to play a game with the reader in hopes he’ll rush out to buy the next in your series…but what if it’s not out yet? More likely, the reader will be annoyed and start giving you some less-than-positive word of mouth advertising. (Of, if he’s like my wife, he’ll have read the last page before buying the book and put it back on the shelf.)

Who exactly told you that your writing is equal to that of Dean Koontz, Nora Roberts, or whomever you’re trying to impress me with? If it was your Aunt Dora or your best friend, I probably don’t care. If it was somebody whose opinion might possibly make a difference in the marketplace, then put a direct quote from them in your query with full attribution. But don’t think we won’t try to verify your claim, whether the rest of the query is fantastic or not. We might. Or we might toss the query while wondering when Joe Famous lost his critical faculties.

Finally, don’t include a synopsis of your book that is filled with grammatical, spelling, and logical errors. If you can’t proofread your own work any better than that, try hiring an editor to proof it for you. It would be money well spent.

The quotes above are real, folks. I did not fabricate even one of them. And those aren’t the worst offenders; many others have been deleted and long since consigned to oblivion.