Avoid Mid-Scene Point of View Shifts

Over the past few years, I’ve edited quite a few fiction manuscripts. The writing varied from so-so to pretty good. There are three problems that seem to cause new writers more problems than necessary — point of view, passive voice, and past perfect tense.

So, today, let me invest a few words on ways to maintain consistency in your treatment of point of view (POV) and, more importantly, how to avoid jarring POV shifts.

Many new writers seem to confuse point of view with person or voice. Voice is commonly referred to as “person” as in first person, second person, or third person. Almost all fiction, especially commercial fiction, is written in either first or third person. Second person is difficult to accomplish successfully in long-form fiction and tends to be associated with literary or experimental fiction.

Point of view is, quite simply, the vantage from which the story is told. Consider these alternative sentences describing the same action:

Joe held the gun out to Brad nervously, hoping he wouldn’t accept it.

OR

Joe held the gun out tentatively. Brad suspected he really did not want to give it up.

In the first version, Joe knows he’s nervous and also knows he doesn’t want Brad to take the gun. This action is revealed from Joe’s POV.

In the second version, Brad interprets the nervousness as a tentative gesture and, thus, suspects (but cannot really know) that Joe doesn’t really want to give up the gun.

Both, however, are narrated by a third-person narrator.

Person, or voice, is easy to identify:

First person is prose narrated by a single person referring to his or her self as “I” and his or her stuff as “my” or “mine.” Everyone else is “he,” “she,” or “they.” First person voice in fiction is very common, although many new writers fall into the trap of revealing things about the actions or motivations of other characters (other than the one narrator) that the narrator simply could not know. First person can be both somewhat limiting and easier to generate  reader empathy with, or emotional attachment to, the narrating character.

Third person is written from the vantage of an omniscient narrator who can not only report on everything that happens but can also dip into the thoughts and motivations of any of the characters. It’s usually best not to let the narrator into the minds of every character but, instead, limit this mind reading to the main characters. Third person relies on “he,” “she,” and “they” for all the characters, even the POV character.

Second person is far more rare and also far more difficult to write well. The narrator typically writes from a disconnected vantage and reports on what somebody else is, or has, done. It relies on “you” as its primary pronoun when describing action. Second person can be difficult to read for long periods and, often, seems like a bit of a sermon.

So, for the moment, let’s set aside second person.

Let’s also set aside first person, since there is only one possible POV character (the first-person narrator).

In third person writing, you can describe events from the POV of any character and can also reveal the thoughts and motivations of the POV character. The most common failing among new writers is shifting the POV within a scene with nothing to warn the reader that the shift is about to occur.

The most common method of handling a POV shift is to insert a scene break. In a manuscript, it is easy to insert either an extra blank line or two between paragraphs or three asterisks on a line by themselves. In a typeset book, usually just the blank lines are sufficient although, sometimes, decorative glyphs are often needed if the scene break occurs at the top of a page.

So, let’s take our simple one-action scene above and assume that Brad is the primary viewpoint character in the story. We could write:

Joe held the gun out to Brad nervously, hoping he wouldn’t accept it.

***

Brad considered the offered weapon, noting that Joe kept it close to his body and his hand trembled.  He doesn’t really want me to take it, the wuss.

“Thanks,” he said, snatching it from Joe’s hand. Screw you, buddy.

If you start a scene using Joe’s POV, finish the scene from his POV. You can always insert a scene break and present the subsequent action, or even repeat the same action, from Brad’s POV.

Shifting from one POV character to another within a scene can be very disconcerting for your reader and will probably cause them to notice your writing faux pas. Good writing should not draw attention to itself. It works because it lets the story work its magic.

One last point about POV and voice. There are two variations on the third-person narrator’s POV — you can use an omniscient narrator or a limited omniscient narrator.

An omniscient narrator knows everything going on in the story and can reveal not only the actions and dialogue happening “on screen” but also the actions and dialogue that happen, or have happened in the past, “off screen.” This narrator can reveal the thoughts and motivations of any character…but still should not shift POV within a scene.

A limited omniscient narrator always report everything from the POV of one character, reporting only that character’s thoughts and motivations and knowing only what that character knows. You can use a limited omniscient narrator for different characters — provided you insert appropriate scene breaks or, better yet, start a new chapter for POV shifts — but should limit this to as few POV characters as possible.

POV shifts, sometimes called head-hopping, can be difficult to read if you try to present scenes from the POV of every character. Instead of hopping into the head of a minor character, use action and description to illlustrate his physical and emotional state.

Maintain a consistent point of view, limit the number of point of view characters, and alert the reader when you’re about to shift to a different point of view character.